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ellen kooi.
life feels weird lately.
like wearing a coat that is too small to button,
but the sleeves are too long to be
practical.
seriously.
something isn't fitting right.
but i suppose it could just be the mirror
i am glancing into.
or my fears.
my shame.
my lack of trust.
[yes yes. i need an inner-reform. i need Him to wash my feet.
i need Him to whisper to my heart
so prone to wander. so prone to forget.]
my faith seems to be smaller than the smallest mustard seed lately.
circumstances flooding up the walls,
to the left and to the right,
and the water marks of yesterday
are screaming at me.
"LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK!"
i think one reason could be,
and is because i fell into this silly, little rhythm.
here to there
feel this and then that
this time, this place, this person.
and suddenly everything was
sh-sh-shaken uppppppppppppp.
it's good.
shaking is good.
it's beautiful.
shaking is good & beautiful.
shaking lead to the promise land.
i want the promise land.
but knowing is comfortable
and not knowing is uncomfortable
such is life.
but He is chief among ten thousand.
and His face is beautiful.
and His leadership extends beyond perfection.
oh, I love this Man.
i moved out and into a little house with ms. jenny hull.
it's pretty old, and has a funky smell (which we are addressing, i assure you).
but i feel like i'm living the single girl's dream.
house
a best friend
cheap furniture
painting with words on them hung on the wall
books flooding the rooms
music filling the halls
Jesus amidst the independent life that is rushing to an end.
[sometime. someday.]
you know?
we moved in yesterday. and besides the conference, yesterday was my busiest day
since i moved here.
prayed at life stand in the morning (life tape + intercession + abortion clinic)
and transferred ALL of jenny's stuff, and ALL of my stuff to the new house
in approximately 3.7 hours.
after that we watched a beautiful set of twins for a couple hours.
and i came home and fell right to sleep
on my ghetto-shift mattress on the floor.
life is glorious.
life is odd.
while dozing off I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me to pray over my room,
so I did so, quite pathetically, in my little bed, dozing off. should have known that wasn't really effective.
later that night i had some STRAIGHT UP DEMONIC dreams.
first nightmare, in that degree, I've had since a child.
A voice in my dream resounded, TIFFANY!
And I woke straight up with my heart beating a million beats per second.
dreaming is usually my biggest entryway into the spirit realm
and so i knew
some sick stuff was thinking it had found its habitation in this little house.
i would have NONE of that.
so i woke up jenny and we plead the blood of Jesus, the precious blood
that speaks a better word, over every door post, wall, floor, ceiling, and
prophesied light and life and the Presence of God into
our new little home.
[we are learning to warfare. we are learning confidence.
we are refusing to be subject to fear. we are seated with Christ
above every spirit or principality. we are His beloved.]
after this we played music to fill the house
and fell sound asleep.
He has declared:
this is the "House of Promise."
i am starting a new journal soon.
things are shifting.
things are changing.
and i hope i'm ready for it.
i want to reach
depths
i have yet to touch.
i want to love well.
i want to acquire meekness.
i want the fruits of the spirit to be my meal.
and i want to be the
FRAGRANCE OF CHRIST.
& so stepping up
stepping in
stepping away and walking up these
mountains of Yours
is such a frightening feat
but upon You i lean my little frame
trusting
trusting
trusting we are going somewhere
yes, yes we are heading towards Home.
be with Me. be near. Bear upon Your shoulders
the weight of this heart. I am Yours.
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